You know what? Fuck you. My skin is infinitely thicker than yours will ever be. No, I’m not saying stop saying gay because it offends certain people, I’m saying stop saying gay, and queer, and faggot because it fucking hurts.
You probably aren’t a homophobe just because you say it, and theres a good chance you have no problem with gay people and you say it, but you have to understand the connotations that brings. The use of gay as a slur started as a way to associate homosexuality with negative things. And guess what assholes? It fucking worked. And every time you say something is “gay” in a negative context you are telling a shit load of people they are filthy, immoral, stupid, and that they are less of a human then you are.
And yeah, I don’t break down crying because I hear it once or twice, I break down because I have gone every single day of my life having an aspect of my self, that I did not fucking choose, derided and and slandered.
So you know what? Fuck you. Go ahead and say “gay” because “everyone else does”. But I’m telling you, if I ever fucking hear you call someone a faggot, I will break your fucking nose.
Do you know why gays started being called a word that means “a bundle of sticks”, or a “cigarette”?
Do you fucking know?
It’s because they would take gays, they would bound them up together, and they would set them on fire.
So go on saying “Gay” and “Queer” and “Faggot”. It might not mean you hate gays, and I probably won’t object to it, but know that it makes you an asshole, and I will think less of you for it.
Posted by Eli on his Tumblr, August 17, 2009 at 10:33am
Everything Rhymes With Orange
This language does hurt the people who are the most vulnerable. Eventually we all develop thicker skin, but by then the damage is done. Eli says it so much better than I could. He is so articulate for a (then) 14 year old.
Billy I don't mind saying the start of this post shook me up greatly. I'd have to agree with Eli's thought's - who ever penned the words "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" was definately not emmotionally abused.
ReplyDeleteRegards Stef.
Sticks and stone do hurt more Southern because they are pretty much always accompanied by the emotional and verbal abuse you speak of.
ReplyDeleteBilly - I used to have a friend who would call himself a 'pouf' - and he'd call his friends 'poufs' too - and it was like the black boy who called himself a 'nigger'. Both of them said it was so that they got used to the words so they wouldn't hurt as much when they were used in anger against them.
Personally I think 'homosexual' and 'heterosexual' sound far too clinical for every day life and that we need a short hand expression.
With great respect I don't think Eli has the origin of 'gay' right. Certainly it has now been around long enough that it's passed into general usage ages ago. Even politicians, the media, publishers and some church leaders use the term AND the vast majority of our Community uses it too.
Did Eli come up with any alternative btw?
Hello Billy
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting Eli's words, I very much doubt if I'd have seen them otherwise. If one person sees this and thinks twice before following the herd when they open their mouths, it will have achieved something.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
@Southern It is a pretty confronting piece. I love it for the clearly articulated anger. Rage the way only an adolescent can do it.
ReplyDelete@Micky Eli calls himself gay, he is talking about its use as a slur, the universal pejorative used by many adolescents. Reclaiming words like faggot and poof can be a powerful act of defiance, but every time I hear "gay" used as a putdown I think of some closeted kid silently enduring another blow to his self-esteem.
@ Sammy It certainly acts as a salutary reminder for me that it's something I can't let go unchallenged.
In your previous post you tell of how it hurt you to think of this bloke on the public loo and if you'd end up like that.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it was always the word "homosexual". I mean, I've had my share of outright homophobia, and yeah, it hurts beastly, and it's fucked up, and it shouldn't happen. And being around mates who constantly call stuff "gay" when they mean "lame" can be very unnerving, and make coming out to them terribly hard.
But it was my mum, and teachers, and even a kiddie shrink, and how they used "homosexual", with this little pause before the word, like they had to make themselves actually take the word into their mouths, and that look of gentle apology that accompanied the word, as if they were trying to signal, well, I'm sorry to have to point out such an obvious flaw, but well, I have to". Even at the age of 7 and 8 I knew they meant me - even if they didn't know it yet - and it was way worse than any outright hatred. Hatred I could shield myself against, I could hate back. But this perverse form of pitying correctness waas so insidious because they pretended to be on my side, hell, they actually thought they were on my side.
Like civil unions. Or "acceptance". It's nothing for them to accept or not accept any more than it is theirs to accept whether it's raining or the sun is shining.
So, personally I prefer to call myself queer and a faggot and to look peeps straight in the eye when I do it. (And I dislike gay, because gay means cheery and colourful, and seriously, that is not a word that describes me very well...)
On the same not, I really, really cannot stand sisters who insist that they "didn't chose" it. What fucking difference does it make? Would they chose not to be queer if they could? It's not a bloody genetic defect that they were tragically born with. Insisting that we didn't chose it will just lead str8s to the conclusion that it is in our own interest to find some cure.
Of course southern is right that words can hurt, but it is the thought behind them that really hurts, the loathing and disapproval and rejection. We don't win this by fighting the language, but by fighting the cause of homophobia.
Great comment, thanks FreeFox. The last paragraph sums it up, really. What we do challenges their idea of how males and females should be. It's those ideas which have to change.
ReplyDeleteI think it's all been said, but I agree with everyone from Eli on down. Words do hurt. I didn't allow that type of language use when I was working in a high school. Shook up a few people (I'm really closeted at work). But it meant a lot to the kids I knew were gay. They knew they had at least one safe place to be.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
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ReplyDeleteLast summer one of my daughters in law was talking about a transwoman at one of our local stores. She kept referring to her as "it". Again and again, the word "it" dripped out of her mouth with such disdain and malice. Yes, I did correct her, telling her that no matter what she thought about her, she (the transwoman) IS a human being. We should all be treated with respect and kindness. And she calls herself a christian! But when i hear her hate filled words and emotion, i knew in that instance i could never come out to her, ever.
ReplyDeleteWhy people are so disdainful of transpeople confounds me. Yes we are different, and sadly a lot of us dont pass well, but does that really matter in the long run? The whole thing boils down to we make people feel uncomfortable, we make them question who they are, just like LGB cause people to question their sexuality.
Words are the most powerful weapon we have, we really need to respect the pain and suffering they cause in our society.
thanks for cross posting Eli's words.
It seems to me that many people forget that we are people first, then we might be gay, straight, white, etc. And why do so many people concern themselves with other people's sexuality? I personally could care less what other people are doing in their bedrooms and who they choose to love. Love is love and we sure could use more of it in the world. Maybe if we could drop all these labels we have for each other and see each other as people first things would get better.
ReplyDeleteI too am so tired of hearing the words queer and faggot. I am neither, I am just JR.