My first memory of real life homosexuals happened on a shopping trip to Geelong with mum when I was 11 or 12. I was tall for my age, so I would have looked 13 or 14. We parked the car opposite the park near the railway station. I wasn't feeling that well, so after lunch I stayed at the car while mum went off again. It wasn't long before my bowels started rumbling. That's OK, I thought, there are toilets across the park. When I got there, something made me feel uneasy. All of a sudden I didn't really need to go, so I had a quick piss and started back to the car.
Too quickly, because I didn't get very far before I felt things were about to get very messy. I turned around, in too much of a hurry to take much notice of the tall, middle-aged man hanging around out the front. I scampered in, locked the door and found relief.
Seconds after I got there he started. He knocked at the cubicle door a few times. I froze. Then he started waggling his foot under the door, and talking, "Hello, boy", then "Open the door".
I was petrified. I quickly cleaned myself up and threw the door open as hard as I could, pushing him out of the way, and ran back to the car.
I was inside with the door locked before I was game to look back.
I knew what he wanted to do. I knew that I liked boys, too. Was I destined to become someone like this?
So much self-loathing is borne out of such a moment when we connect our own emerging sexuality with perverted behaviour like this.
Well, although it's often said that childhood experiences shape stuff in our lives I think this may be taking things a bit far!
ReplyDeleteThe question is, what happened later? Did this scare in the park put you off visiting public toilet for life? Did you eventually see the man again and become bosom friends? Did you turn out to be a normal and balanced gay guy afteral?
Can't wait to find out!
Hello Billy
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but this is stereotyping of the crudest sort. I'm a boylover, but I've never visited a public toilet for any reason other than to urinate or defecate. Sexually predatory behaviour isn't confined to the hated 'paedo'. I know it's not politically correct to say so, but I, and I'm sure the vast majority of people like me, am no more likely to molest or rape anyone than the average man, gay or straight. I'm sorry if you feel I'm having a rant at your expense, but the constant assumption that being attracted to younger people means that you have no morals or self-control is thoroughly irritating.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Yes Billy I to was preyed apon a number of times when I was young - swore I would never go down that path - like Sammy seems to say it's a few bad apples that reflect poorley on mostly good people.
ReplyDeleteRegards Stef.
My word! I feel traumatized just reading your post let alone experience first hand what you described.
ReplyDeleteLike Micky, I'm curious what thoughts you were having after that incident and how do you feel right now.
It wasn't a big deal. I was upset at the time, but soon got over it. I was too young. A couple of years later I was dreaming that it might happen again with someone my own age.
ReplyDeleteI've never had a public toilet phobia. Except when they are stinking and dirty and have no toilet paper. I can even use the urinal at the footy, jam-packed at half time. A healthy amount of gay sex has left me much more relaxed about my body.
Oh well that's OK then!
ReplyDeleteI can well understand you being upset at the time (I certainly would have been) but to wonder what it might be like with someone you're own age is a vary healthy reaction, isn't it?