Well, another blogger whose stuff I love reading wanders this way. G'day Shane! It's a different thing with Memoires of a Heroinhead to most blogs I read. Sure, his journey through childhood and youth and stuff is a gripping, crazy story, great to read.about. But it's what he writes about his life today which has a bigger impact.
Out of high school I was a fag boy from the bush never quite fitting in among the cool private school city scene of the time, the scene Nick Cave came out of. The movie Dogs in Space captures it well. I was on the edge of the music scene, the post-punk era of the late seventies and early eighties; the edge of the political scene, of radical left wing splinter parties; and the edge of the drug scene.
Heroin was the drug of the time. Marijuana had been a big part of my life for a few years by then, but the people who counted all used heroin. The sexy people, the creative people. The people I wanted to be. Speed was around, but it wasn't my kind of drug. I wanted something that would slow me down, not make me faster. Something that would allow the worries of the world to float away in blissful peace. There was one drug which promised that, and I knew I would fall in love with it instantly. I knew once I fell in love it would be for a life time. So I said no.
I was conflicted by this choice. Friends used, lovers used, the people I wanted to be like. Take a risk and embrace heroin, or resign myself to remaining the slightly nerdy outsider forever. They are the roots of the emotions I feel now when Shane talks about his life as a heroinhead in Lyon. It's also about living with the "choices" you make in life, living with the consequences of your actions, and those of others. And a gentle reminder not to judge. Never to judge.
I lost a year or two, sedated in a green, smoky haze before I realised the folly of letting life pass me by like that. There is still an occasional smoke, and I occasionally imagine reaching old age with arthritic joints and weary bones, and growing some poppies for a little opium to ease the pain. But till then, life is better with a clear brain.
We must be within a few years of the same age. During that same period you describe, I was in college and more into theatre, rock and roll (think sound and lights for a band, local crew and roadie for some of the big boys), and partying in general. I was pretty apolitical at the time. Pot was everywhere, and I sure enjoyed it. So were other things, the pills, the powder, the stuff I don't even want to think about. Fortunately I managed to avoid the hard stuff somehow. Glad I did. I smoked pot for quite a while, but never did anything harder. Been a while since I've enjoyed a buzz, but will admit I wouldn't turn one down. No one judged me when I refused the offers, so I saw no need to judge them for their choices. I sure wish they'd just give up this war on marijuana so I can legally ease the pain of the arthritic shoulder and soon to be knee! Getting old sucks!
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay