I’m not a believer in being born gay. Well, I don’t think I was born gay. There are many paths which lead us to a homosexual orientation, but I cannot believe that simple genetic effects, or prenatal hormone imbalances, can be the cause of something as complex as “being gay” for more than a small minority of people.
It all started for me when I was four and I went to kindergarten. My infant years were good, at home with a mother who loved me. Trouble was, going to kindergarten gave mum a chance to go back to work. And so she became my kindergarten teacher. I don’t remember a great deal from that year, but it was hard. Hard to share my mother with 20 other kids. No longer was I her special child, just one of the class. So I failed in the Oedipal stakes, not worthy of my mother. I was a shy boy anyway, so seeing myself as not quite as good as the other boys set me apart a little more.
It all started for me when I was four and I went to kindergarten. My infant years were good, at home with a mother who loved me. Trouble was, going to kindergarten gave mum a chance to go back to work. And so she became my kindergarten teacher. I don’t remember a great deal from that year, but it was hard. Hard to share my mother with 20 other kids. No longer was I her special child, just one of the class. So I failed in the Oedipal stakes, not worthy of my mother. I was a shy boy anyway, so seeing myself as not quite as good as the other boys set me apart a little more.
Personally, I think there is some sort of predisposition to be gay.I don't think everyone has that predisposition, but I neither think that everyone who has it will also become gay later in his life.
ReplyDeleteThe experiences we make in our childhood certainly play a role in it. I remember that I have been attracted to both boys and girls when I went to primary school. As far as the time at the kindergarten is concerned, I have no memory whatsoever about my "preference" at that time... do we have sexual preferences at that age at all, I wonder?
I can imagine that it must be tough for a young child when the role of the mother suddenly changes. It's certainly not conducive to the relationship between you.
Do you think that influenced you and your relationship to your mother when you grew up?
I'm also not 100% convinced you are born gay, but I just can't find any other way...my earliest memories of anything involving playmates, fun, attraction, sex...it all points to things earlier than conscious memory, but genetics? nurture? nature? In any case, they are all gay. Boys were my thing. Girls, eh, not so.
ReplyDeleteThe human genome is so unknown. They keep finding new stuff every day. Early on they found the genetic cause of Down Syndrome. What's to say that tomorrow, next week, sooner rather than later...they find that chromosome ? turns > and you are straight, ^ and you are gay. > = Bi, and <^> means transgender.
Quite frankly, I'd like to think that is what will happen. Then all the a$$holes who call "gay" a CHOICE are effectively silenced. Because I am convinced it is not a choice!
But who knows. Thanks for a cool post. Made me think. I need to do that more.
Peace <3
Jay
It is certainly not a choice. Not for 99.9% of us, anyway. Appealing though it is, genetics just can't explain complex behaviour. I'll write a long and boring post on the problems with genetic reductionism one day.
ReplyDeleteIt had no effect on my relationship with my mother, just what I thought of myself. I remained very close to my mother until she died, around a decade later.
I know my thoughts and behaviour weren't sexualised until my first year at school. I'll post that story soon.
thanks, baby. x
ReplyDelete